The Two Secrets of Happiness

Here’s the good news: there are two secrets to being happy in this world.

Here’s the bad news: they are simple but not easy to do.

Secret Number One: Learn How to Not Be Ashamed of Your Shame

We all feel shame, and it is decidedly unpleasant. In the book Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw defines shame as the feeling not that you have made a mistake but the feeling that you ARE a mistake.

We are invited to feel shame when someone corrects our grammar in public. Or when we confess that we don’t know something and someone says, “You are kidding! You don’t know that???”

Any statement that contains a subtext of “you are an idiot!” is a shaming statement. We all have been shamed, and we all have shamed. It is how people control one another. People laugh at us for the way we laugh, so unselfconsciously, we stop laughing. People tell us we can’t carry a tune in a bucket, and we give up singing, sometimes for the rest of our lives.

Shame Isn’t the Problem

But shame isn’t the problem. Our shame about feeling shame is the problem. We feel shame, we feel enormously vulnerable and exposed, and we decide to keep it Secret. If no one knows we are feeling shame, then maybe we can get away with it. Maybe our brokenness, our unlovability, will be known only by us and not the rest of the world.

When we learn not to be ashamed of our shame, when we learn we can say, “I’m feeling shame right now,” then we are free. Our shame will become just another feeling, albeit an unpleasant one, but just a feeling. We confess that, and it will pass. If we try to keep it a secret, then we are marrying it for ever. We are branding it into our souls. It becomes another shameful, ugly scar that keeps us separate from other people.

If you are going to be able to see who you are meant to be clearly, then you’re going to have to be able to feel shame and admit it. If you are afraid of your shame, you will spend your life avoiding any situations that might trigger your shame. Instead of leaning in to who you are meant to become, you will spend your life trying to play it safe. You will never get to know who you really are, and no one else will ever get to know who you really are either.

I told you it was simple but not easy. The next secret is just as challenging.

Secret Number Two: You Can’t Make Anyone Love You or Themselves

Bonnie Raitt, in her song "I Can’t Make You Love Me" says it all. Is there anything more excruciating than loving someone and having them not love you back? Yes, there is something more excruciating than that. Loving someone and watching them destroy themselves through addiction, self loathing, or recklessness.

When you love someone and they are killing themselves with an addiction, it’s like watching a grizzly bear grab them and haul them off to their cave, eating them as they go. There’s nothing you can do but watch. You are there if they decide they want help, but you can’t make them want help.

Loving yourself well and feeling compassion for people who are hurting themselves is as good as it gets. It’s called Detaching With Compassion. It is not easy to do.

But if you spend your life trying to wrestle people’s problems away from them, you will be very frustrated. It’s like trying to teach a pig to sing. It just makes you crazy, and makes the pig mad.

The Truth About Happiness

The happy conclusion: there is no Magic Bullet, as I wrote about yesterday. There is only having the courage to face each day with humility, willingness, compassion, gratitude, and a healthy sense of humor. You will be able to see yourself clearly and those around you clearly. Who you are meant to be will emerge whole and intact, and it will not surprise you. Who You are Meant to Be you will know as an Old Friend, an Old Friend who has been waiting around patiently, perhaps for years, for you to show up.

You Have to Do It By Yourself, But You Can’t Do It Alone.

I love helping people in this process. I love finding a way to shift the “boogga-boogga” that has been stalking you, and getting you to laugh about it. If you can laugh, you can live.

If you’re interested in finding out about my coaching programs, contact me at the vicki@outrageousvisions.com

Blessings,

Vicki

There is No Magic Bullet

My background is in drug and alcohol recovery, so the model I use is: Get up, take stock, be grateful, be honest, take responsibility, let go, forgive, and as soon as you can, find the joke.

When you’re in Recovery, there is no box to check. You are never Recovered; you are always In Recovery. It’s a process. You have to do it every day, and it never ends.

It’s kind of like brushing your teeth. If you want to have your teeth in old age, you have to brush your teeth two or three times a day All your life. There is no Magic Bullet to save your teeth. You have to do the work. You have to do it every day. And if you’re really smart, you will floss. It’s not inherently sexy to floss, but that’s how you keep your gums healthy and, even more wonderful, that’s how you help keep your heart healthy.

But That Sounds Too Hard!

Some people, many people, want a Magic Bullet. They want to find that One Program, that One Workshop, that One Guru, that One Ecstatic Experience that puts everything in its place and make sense of life forever.

But there is no One Final Answer. This is good news. I tell one of my clients -- and this is why the word Outrageous fits me so well -- that if she wants a Quick, Final Fix for her life, so that she does not have to get up every day, roll up her sleeves, and do the work that is in front of her to do, that she should start taking methamphetamines. Methamphetamines work really, really well the first time. All of your problems are taken away. Unfortunately, that’s the last time you’ll have that feeling, according to the meth addicts I have worked with. The rest of your life is, quite simply put, hell.

Our Addictive Society

Our society is an addict. We love addicts and we love creating more addictions. People addicted to fear are much more easily manipulated. People addicted to the belief of a Magic Bullet, are much more easily lead to another workshop, another program, another Transformational Once and For All Program that answers all questions forever.

This is why cults are so attractive. This is why gangs are so attractive. This is why fundamentalist religious dogmas that answer all questions for all people for all time are so attractive. There is something in us that wants to abdicate responsibility for our lives.

The Good News: There is No Magic Bullet

When we grow up, when we get that every day we have to wake up and figure out what to do, just as everybody else in the world has to do -- the Julia Roberts's, the Barack Obama’s, the Jane Goodall’s, the John Bon Jovi’s. We all have to wake up and figure it out every single day.

Knowing this truth is why I call myself a Life Coach and a Coach for Life. As Joseph Campbell once said, “Life is not a problem to be solved; it is a mystery to be lived.” And the Mystery is so Mysterious! It will not be tamed. When we accept this fact, we can enjoy every challenge that comes our way. We know where the rubber chicken meets the road, and we can find humor fairly quickly in just about any of life’s challenges.

The skill I’m working on right now is asking. So here goes: Do you need a coach? Are you resonating with what I’m writing? Is there a part of you saying, “Yes!” If so, contact me and we’ll set up a time to talk. You can e-mail me at Vicki@outrageousvisions.com.

It’s Time to Step Up

I believe it is selfish of us to hide our gifts under a bushel. I am very good at helping people discover the obstacles, the beliefs or habits, that need shifting, and finding a funny often musical way to do it. It’s a sin for you to hide your gifts under a bushel as well. The world needs the best from us now more than ever, don’t you think?

Blessings,

Vicki

To Those Holders of the Vision

If you are to be able to see clearly who you are meant to be and what you’re meant to do in this world, then you need to learn how to hold your vision in spite of the obstacles, doubts, and pitfalls on your path.

Where We Go Wrong

We have this idea that once we have a vision of what we are meant to do, we should be able to take one step, then the next, then proceed directly to the Land of Manifestation. Maybe this is because getting a college degree is fairly clear-cut. You pick a major, you take your courses, you pass your courses, and you get your degree. Period.

Just as I think many of us still think technology should work like a light switch, that is, you turn the switch up, the light goes on; you turn it down the light goes off. It works 99.9% of the time just like that. When our other technology doesn’t work like that, we feel cheated, frustrated, and like gravity is picking on us.

Technology does not work like a light switch. If you’re going to solve a problem on your computer, for example, you have to stay in the game, keep your sense of humor, and be looking for an alternative solution. You need to Take It On!

If you approach technological problems this way, you will be strengthening your brain, protecting yourself from Alzheimer’s, and increasing your immune system. Getting mad every time it doesn’t work out the way you think it should, just keeps you spinning in stuck.

See the Light!

I hope you see what I’m getting at here. We see who we are meant to be in a flash of inspiration, a moment of Deep Truth, a synchronicity -- something that compels us to step out of the Known and be willing to see what happens when we jump off the cliff into the Unknown.

For some of us, this is the easiest part of the journey. For others of us, we teeter on the edge of the cliff our entire lives. We want Guarantees. We want To Know. We don’t know anyone else who’s done it this way, and we don’t want to be the Trail Blazers of our lives.

But if you have leapt off that cliff, you may have already learned that there are no parachutes, there is no trail, there are rocks, bird poop, snakes, and beautiful vistas, and surprises, Delights, and the richness of just being alive that makes you grateful every morning to just wake up.

I celebrated Thanksgiving day yesterday with the President of the Bali Institute for Global Renewal at her villa here in Ubud, Bali. At our tables sat people from Sumatra, Bali, the Netherlands, England, Canada, Japan, California, Philadelphia, and three people from Corvallis, Oregon.

The Bali Institute is a dream that is coming alive this week as 30 people from all over the world gather to cross-pollinate and plan an international conference in December of 2010. Save that date.

What Seeing Who You Are Meant to Be Looks Like

Seeing who you are meant to be means letting yourself be led. It means doing things you don’t understand and that sometimes your friends and family don’t understand either. Committing to your authentic expression of your deepest self will enrich you, terrify you, confuse you -- but even in your darkest moments, there will be a little glimmer of Something, Something that links you to every other person in the world who has made this journey. You may feel alone sometimes, but you are never alone.

It’s Thanksgiving Day back home for me in the United States, and I guess I’m feeling warm and fuzzy.

Are You Hearing the Call?

If you are resonating with what I’m saying, I’d like you to think about allowing me to support your journey. Contact me at Vicki@outrageousvisions.com and we can set up a time to talk.

May you always be filled with gratitude,

Vicki

How Did I Get to Bali and What Does This Have to Do with You?

My mother and my sister both dropped out of high school. I have alcoholism on both sides of my family, and I didn’t even know it was unusual to ride with people who were drunk until I was in my 30s. My graduating from high school, then college, and getting a masters degree is a bit of a miracle.

This is my fourth trip to Bali. How did I ever get myself here, and what does this have to do with you?

Step One: Believe it’s possible.

When I heard that Bali didn’t have a word for art because everything was arts in Bali, I had to believe it was possible. I had to be able to see myself actually being in Bali for this dream to become a reality. Was it okay for me to be the kind of person who gets to go to beautiful, exotic places? Did I have a rule in my head that told me it was not okay for someone like me to do something like this? If so, I needed to be willing to break this rule.

Step Two: Set an intention

After my body resonated so deeply when I heard about art in Bali, I started speaking my intention to visit Bali. I said it out loud. I told large groups of people that one of my goals was to go to Bali. I didn’t know when this would happen, I only knew that it would happen for sure.

Step Three: Be ready to say Yes! when the opportunity arises.

In about July of 2007 I received an invitation to join a dear friend of mine, Jana Stanfield, on a trip she was arranging to go to Malaysia and Bali. I said an immediate Yes! Did I know how I was going to pay for this? No. Did I worry about this? No. Jana is a singer-songwriter/inspirational speaker just as I am, and I knew this was a chance of a lifetime and there was absolutely no way I was going to let this opportunity pass.

Step Four: Repeat steps one through three until you die.

This is my fourth trip to Bali. I am here partly to meet with the President of the Bali Institute for Global Renewal, Marcia Jaffe, and an awesome group of people she has assembled to help plan an international conference in December of 2010.

When I read a list of the names and descriptions of the people who are attending this planning session, I had to chant to myself, “I have something to contribute. I have something to contribute. I have something to contribute.”

I know I have something to contribute. I have my own, unique, authentic self. I have my compassion, my experience, my humor, my insight, and my willingness to step up and do whatever is needed. So there!

So what does this have to do with you? Everything.

Are you interested in learning how to listen deeply to yourself and trust what you hear? Are you interested in building your Courage Muscle, so that you can take advantage of opportunities that present themselves to you? Do you need someone by your side, so to speak, to help you see clearly who you are meant to be? Then contact me today. While I’m in Bali. Right now. Do it. You can e-mail me at Vicki@outrageousvisions.com.

Don’t hesitate. You have nothing to lose. Get off that pot or do what you’re supposed to do while you sit in there.

Blessings,

Vicki

Abundance Bucket

Hello all of you people who are not in Bali! I have arrived! I've been massaged and scrubbed and soaked in a bath with flower petals! Life is good!

Here is another Play with Possibility Date. This one is with Verena Mostyn, textile artist, who is living in Bali, making the world a better place.

Click here to see the video!

Blessings,

Vicki

I am a Love Magnet and So Are You!

I'm in the Taipei airport on my way to Bali for the second time. Internet is free, though the instructions on this blog are in Chinese.

I am blogging from Taiwan! How cool is that?

I just tapped along with Brad Yates with his Love Magnet video. People are walking by and I am tapping all over my face, on my sternum, and under my arm. This is where the Rubber Chicken Meets the Road once again.

I tap, use Emotional Freedom Technique, every day. I brush my teeth every day too. I want to be healthy and I know I need to commit to persistent, consistent action if I am going to keep my dental health, my physical health, and my emotional health.

So here I am in this exotic airport tapping as people walk by. Do they think I’m crazy? Who cares? What is it to them? Perhaps someone will come over, get curious about what I'm doing, and want to hire me to come to Taipei and work with people on having an Outrageous Vision so they can see who they are meant to be. Stranger things have happened.

I watched "Julie & Julia" on the plane. A bit of crisis, plus passion. ("I love to eat!" says Julia Child.) Put this together with hard work, a few disappointments, meltdowns, crises of confidence, and mix it with love and support And some good luck, and you have a tale of miracles.

Your life is a miracle too. I can prove it to you if you give me enough time. I will give you fifteen minutes of playing with possibility, and you can see if you resonate with my funky, somewhat wicked approach to spiritual growth, healing, entrepreneurism, and seizing the day.

Contact my business manager, Sandy Parker at sandy@myefficientassistant.com to set up an appointment.

Blessings,

Vicki

Passport Adventure: Part Two

The tale of my Passport Renewal Adventure ended yesterday with me on the plane on the way back to Portland. I’m going to give you the short version of what happened.

I missed the shuttle back to Corvallis by two minutes because I stopped to go to the bathroom. Because I missed the shuttle, I had time to call a friend who recommended I call AAA and see if they could help me. They told me I needed to drive to Seattle to a passport Center if I had any chance of getting my passport renewed in one day.

I called the number AAA gave me, went through many levels of “if you want X, press one if you want Y, press two....” Finally I got a human being on the line, and she told me I needed to make an appointment with the office in Seattle first thing Friday morning. They could renew my passport there that day, if they weren’t too busy. Let me emphasize the “if they weren’t too busy” part.

The appointment making was computerized. They gave me a confirmation number I needed to bring with me if I wanted to get my passport renewed. I tried to type the number in, but I was so tired, typing in numbers is difficult for me, and I was holding my cell phone so I had to do it with one hand, so I couldn’t find exactly where I was on the keyboard, so I kept making mistakes, so I kept hitting the key to repeat the instructions. But it wasn't just the confirmation code, it was all of the instructions I had them repeat four times.

I called my daughter, remember it’s her birthday, and started to cry. I had a Mommy Meltdown. The roles reversed. “Take a deep breath,” my daughter told me. “We will figure this out.”

I have an appointment at nine at 9 AM in Seattle, I don’t drive, and everyone has a job and can’t take the day off to guide me. I keep calling friends and finally one of my clients a young woman of 25, offers to pick me up at five o’clock in the morning and drive me to Seattle for my nine o’clock appointment.

Here come the miracles:

Because I missed the shuttle by two minutes I was able to arrange getting my passport on Friday, and I didn’t have to go to Corvallis and come back to Portland and pay 85 more dollars for the shuttle.

My client lives 10 minutes away from my daughter.

We got to my appointment in Seattle at exactly 9 o’clock. Exactly 9 o’clock.

The day with my client turns out to be my first day-long Play Date. She begins her trip discouraged and afraid she’s going to sabotage her future. We end the day with her excited, deliriously excited, about her future. Not bad.

My husband drove from Corvallis up to Portland Thursday night, bringing me my Oregon Identification Card, which I thought I might need to get my passport. I didn’t need it to get my passport, so I thought perhaps he had made a trip for nothing. As it turned out, though, in order to go back into the passport office and pick up my passport, I had to have a government issued picture ID. If Murray hadn’t driven up from Corvallis, my passport would still be sitting in the passport office in Seattle and my whole trip would’ve been for nothing.

Because I miss my shuttle back to Corvallis, I got to go with my 31-year-old daughter out to lunch with her friends from work. A rare opportunity to see my daughter with her friends, to witness the life she has created. I had a beer, but nobody else could because they were working. That beer tasted GOOD.

Because my passport turned out to be valid but invalid, I got to spend a lot of time with a young woman who really needed me. I needed her, and she needed me. Our day was magical from start to finish. Everyone we met was helpful, courteous, cheerful, and kind. Even the parking lot attendant helped us out when we came in one half hour late for the early bird special. “We missed the early bird special by just a half half hour!” I said as he walked up to her car. He went through quite a lot of trouble to make sure we got the early bird rate, saving me at least $20. He didn’t have to do that. He got nothing out of it for himself, except the satisfaction of helping people out.But that was what our whole day was like.

The security guards in the federal building were cheerful, friendly, and willing to listen to my sad story. When we left the passport office with my renewed passport, renewed until the year 2019, I made up a little song for them on the spot. We all laughed.

How you do anything is how you do everything. If you are not able to see clearly about what your life is calling you to do, it might be because you are telling yourself a disaster story instead of a miracle story. All day long things happen to us -- the car won’t start, the dog throws up on the carpet, there’s an accident on the road and traffic is snarled, your passport is valid but in valid when you were on a trip of a lifetime to Bali. What do you get to do? How are you going to choose?

We choose to cloud our vision and pollute our purpose or we choose to see the miracle in everything. We are like that optimistic child who was given a hill of horse manure for Christmas. He shouts his glee and starts digging in the pile. “Why are you digging in that pile of manure?” His parents ask him. “With this much manure, there must be a pony in there somewhere!” he exclaims and keeps on digging.

Let’s all keep on digging, shall we? Let’s clear our energy field from resentment, disappointment, anger, blaming, feeling like a victim, hopelessness, despair -- all that energetic crud that clogs our pipes. This is emotional cholesterol.

Send me your stories. When did you choose a miracle instead of a disaster? If you’re having trouble finding the miracle in the disaster, you might want to take me up on my offer of a free 15 minute Play with Possibility Date. I promise you will be able to shift something. I can almost guarantee I’ll get you to laugh. If you can laugh, you can live.

Blessings,

Vicki

How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything

It’s 11:15 p.m. and I am standing at the Eva Airways desk in the San Francisco airport. I have just found out that my valid passport isn’t valid enough. Your passport, my passport, actually expires six months before the expiration date. Go figure.

I’m not getting on that plane; I’m not going to Bali. Is this a disaster or is this perfect? This is what I will decide. If my not going to Bali because my passport is invalid is a disaster, then everything that happens from here on out, in fact, everything that led up to this moment, will also count as a disaster. I will have wasted time and money on a flight to San Francisco, and the $85 it cost me for the shuttle from Corvallis to Portland. I am missing out on at least four days of my trip to Bali, which could end up being many more days if I can get my passport renewed. Eva Airways doesn’t fly to Bali every day. Many of their flights are already full.

One of my main purposes for this trip is to be a part of a planning committee for the Bali Institute for Global Renewal. Marcia Jaffee, the president, organized the conference in 2006 with Desmond Tutu as the featured speaker. It is a great honor and privilege to be part of an incredibly amazing group of people who are trying to unite indigenous wisdom and Western ingenuity and create leaders all over the world. Saying that I want to be there for this planning session is a gross understatement. In some ways everything in my life has been leading to this gathering.

Not that anything is at stake here.

This snafu could be a disaster, or, if I decide that somehow my Angel Committee is playing with me again, then I will start to look for Perfection, and my mistake will be turned into a Discovery.

It is now the early hours of November 19, my daughter’s 31st birthday. I have a ticket to fly back to Portland at 7 AM. I decide there is no point getting a hotel room, so I tried to sleep around the arm rests on the chairs, the armrests that are permanently there I’m assuming to stop people from sleeping. The gentle staff of Eva Airways has been incredibly kind and helpful.

The woman who pushed my luggage cart from the international terminal back to the domestic terminal tells me that she is grateful that I have been so pleasant about it all. “Many people yell and scream at us,” she tells me.

“As if it’s your fault Indonesia won’t let me come, even though my passport is valid,” I say to her.

This reminds me of the time I was a counselor at an elementary school in Corvallis, Oregon and a man got a ticket for speeding in front of the elementary school. He came in and yelled at the playground assistant, and then he yelled at the principle. How he does anything is how he does everything. I’m glad am not married to this man.

I try to sleep, but I am worried about the safety of my luggage, and I can’t get comfortable. The airport is surprisingly deserted. It occurs to me that, if I am to go on my newly booked ticket on November 23 in the wee hours of the morning, I must get my passport fixed tomorrow, November 20. I had better find out what I can find out now, so I will know what to do when I get back to Portland.

There is no free WiFi in the San Francisco airport. To get WiFi I have to fill out a lot of information and pay $7.98. Because I am so tired, because I am so disoriented, and because I am legally blind, filling out this form at 2:30 AM is difficult. My username is incorrect. Start over. My password is too short. Start over. My password doesn’t agree with my confirmation password. Do it again.

Putting in numbers in my computer is challenging for me, so re-entering my credit card data every time is taxing. And then it gets funny. It has to get funny, or I will add to my own suffering.

Just as I get online and find the site that has been recommended to me, a site that will help me expedite getting my passport renewed, a man walks by. I haven’t seen anyone in at least an hour. “Is there Internet in its airport? He asked me. He looks tall and a bit disheveled to tell the truth. But there’s something about his voice I trust, something in his demeanor that seems deeply and profoundly human to me.

“Yes,” I tell him, “there is Internet here.” I don’t tell him the sad story of how many times it took me to get on the Internet. “Would you like to check something?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he says to me, “I would like to check a little something.”

“I am legally blind,” I tell him, “and I could use some help on a website. We could just make this a win-win situation.”

He agrees and sits down beside me, and I start to cry a little. “I’ve been really great up to now,” I tell him. “It’s just that your voice is so kind....”

It turns out he is a man who travels around the world healing people. He tells me his name, which I can’t remember, but it is wonderful and musical. I ask him what his name means. He replies by exhaling a long soulful breath that sounds like wind in a tunnel. Cool.

He gives me a healing session. He puts his long-fingered, wickedly long-fingered, hands around my eyes and seems to pull energy out while he breathes. It is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

Here we are, the two of us, alone as far as I can tell in the domestic terminal of the San Francisco airport. I am blind and he is a healer. Is this starting to look like Perfection yet?

All the clothes he is wearing have been given to him, he tells me. “I can count on one hand all the clothing that I’ve purchased in the last five years.” I believe him. He tells about his girlfriends, he tells me about his mom. He tells me he has been on television a few times and that he has written a treatment and has a producer interested in a reality show. I think he will make it happen. I can see him being wildly successful on television. He has a presence that is amazing.

I share with him that I do some energy healing. “Sometimes when I put my hands on people I have visions, I tell him. I don’t say that I am seeing Truth, I just tell people what I see if they want to hear.”

He gives me his hands and asks me to hold his hands and tell me what I see. At first I feel a river flowing through us and then I feel very strongly that he is a tree. His hands are like tree limbs. He is like a character out of Lord of the Rings.

“I see you as a tree. Does that resonate with you?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he says, “I am a tree.”

We part ways shortly thereafter, the terminal fills up, and I catch my seven o’clock plane back to Portland, Oregon. The chances of getting my passport renewed the next day were slim and expensive. “What is, is,” I keep chanting to myself. “Whatever happens, I will deal with it. If I go to Bali on Monday, great. If I can’t go to Bali on Monday, I’ll figure something else out.”

This story is not over. Tomorrow I will finish telling you about my adventure, but I will end today’s post with just two more bits of information.

The first story of Perfection: On the plane back to San Francisco from Portland, the person who sat right next to me was that very same man from the terminal who had spoken so kindly to me. He turned out to be an existential humanistic psychotherapist on his way down to a conference in San Francisco. He is on the board that organizes that conference. His specialty is authenticity and authentic engagement. Let me just say, we have a lot in common.

He suggested that perhaps we could do some work together in Portland. He said he thought I would be great at their conferences, bringing in a whimsical, musical, authentic, on-the-spot songwriting element to the conference. I agreed.

My second story of Perfection: When the woman at the Eva Airways staff told me my passport wasn’t valid long enough to get into Indonesia, I remembered the dream I had told my husband about that morning. I had dreamed that something had gone wrong with some kind of technicality on my trip to Bali. There were lots of people scurrying around trying to solve the problem. When I woke up, I couldn’t figure out what the dream was about, but I had been a little anxious about this trip, which is unusual for me, so I was on alert.

When I learned I wasn’t going to Bali, I realized what my dream had been about. I dreamed that I wouldn’t get to go to Bali because of some technicality, and I didn’t get to go to Bali because of a technicality. Now what is that?

So is my trip cancellation or postponement a disaster or is it perfect? I’m the one who will decide. I’m the one who keeps deciding every moment. How I do anything is how I do everything. How you do anything is how you do everything.

Seeing who you are meant to be involves making choices like this all the time. How are you going to choose to look at your life? How are you going to respond with what your angel committee throws in front of you? Are you going to see Disaster? Or are you going to find Perfection?

More tomorrow on the saga of "Vicki Seeks To Renew Her Passport in One Day."

Blessings,

Vicki

Follow Your Bliss or It Will Stalk You and More

Getting people up on their feet singing, laughing, and amazing themselves is one of my all time favorite things to do. And I get to do this great, fun thing all over the world. How cool is that?

Here are the topics I am speaking about as I launch my new business Outrageous Visions: See Who You Are Meant to Be.

1. Follow Your Bliss or It Will Stalk You
Joseph Campbell said we should follow our bliss. I’ve added “or it will stalk you" because I believe we are all born with something in us that will not be denied. Whether we are business owners, committed partners, parents, or just starting out our lives, it is essential that we listen to the part of us that brings us joy, energy, creativity, clarity, and makes life worth living.

2. It’s Never Too Late to Create an Outrageous Life
Now is the time to step up and lean in to creating a life full of love, beauty, serenity, generosity, adventure, and service. Persistent, consistent action, small steps taken every day, will lead to a life that is fulfilling and good for the planet. This is where the rubber chicken meets the road!

3. Who You Are Meant to Be is Staring You in the Face
“I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” I have heard this sentence many times from people of all ages and one thing has always been true: they are wrong. We DO know what we want to do and who we are meant to be. We just have trouble a) believing it is true, b) believing it is possible, or c) believing we deserve it. Once you know how to listen to and trust those little inklings and nudges that have been whispering to you your whole life, the fun begins. And it is never the least bit scary. (I am making this part up.)

Thank you!

My coach also wants me to tell you I am taking on new clients now. I work with all ages and cholesterol levels. Let me know if you are interested.

Vicki

See Them Clearly, Love Them Completely. Easy.

As I sat watching my fire this morning listening to David Lanz on Pandora radio, I was suddenly filled, completely filled, with the memory of living with my first husband and my children. We are both remarried now, very happily, and our children are grown and doing very well, thank you very much.

As much as I have tried to focus on the love of my first marriage, as deeply as I know that any resentments or bitterness or unforgiveness is a Lie, and prevents healing for the person who nourishes the Lie -- as deeply as I know this, I have been unable to completely free myself of the burden of unforgiveness and resentment.

But as I listened to David Lanz this morning, I was completely filled with the loving memory of the richness and truth that was also a part of our marriage, I heard something from my core clearly for the first time: “See them clearly, love them completely. Easy.”

I’ve seen myself and many of my clients try to protect ourselves through perfectionism, judgment, and even self-hate. Our protection is misguided to be sure, but it is oh, so human.

A part of our Stone Age brain, and that is the brain we all have, wants to fight or run in order to keep us safe. Or, especially if we are female, it wants us to be beautiful, attracting those most powerful males who can keep us safe. Our attempts to protect ourselves, our perfectionism, criticism of ourselves and others, gets fed by our hard wiring. The more we practice something, the more cells our brains assign to that task. Even though worrying makes us less safe because it distracts us from the real environment we are living in, many of us worry as a means of trying to prevent the bad thing from happening.

I have come to see that the ways I protect myself often hurt me much more than they make me safe. I am ready now to see clearly those ways I try to protect myself, love them completely, and set myself free. It’s really easier than I ever could’ve imagined.

My visual disability has invited me to see the world differently. I now listen and trust senses that used to be overwritten by the details of daily life. Losing my ability to drive slowed me down. I needed slowing down. I needed to learn to ask for help. I needed to learn that receiving with grace and gratitude and humility is a great gift to the person who receives and the person who gives. It is a sacred completion, this giving and receiving cycle. When we give, give, give, give, give we are like a broken record. We are stuck in a groove that used to be music, but is now only noise.

See them clearly. I grew up in an alcoholic home. As Claudia Black says in her book It Will Never Happen to Me, the three most basic rules in a home full of addiction are: don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel. Don’t let yourself know what is really going on and it will be easier to not talk about it. Don’t let yourself see anything clearly. If you do, then you might have to do something about it, and anything you do is dangerous.

Since leaving my childhood home, I have spent my life learning to see clearly. Losing my vision has only helped me see things, life, more clearly. Learning to see things clearly has scared me and almost everyone I know. When I see something clearly, what do I do then?

This led me to unhelpful ways of protecting myself. Trying to be very, very good, trying to not bother people, trying to not hurt anyone ever, trying to guess what everyone needs before they know so I can give it to them so we can all be safe. All these very understandable behaviors did not keep me safe, they kept me separate.

So this morning, this dark November morning, sitting by the fire listening to the familiar, beautiful piano music of David Lanz, I was filled with the truth that dissolved the Lie I’ve been living with my entire life. I can see clearly, and still love completely, without judgment, without any need to protect myself from anything. It’s actually easy. It’s much easier, in fact, than anything else.

I want to remember this.

I now understand that the ways I protect myself often hurt me much more than they make me safe. I am ready now to see clearly those ways I try to protect myself, see them clearly and love them completely, and set myself free. It’s really easier than I ever could’ve imagined.

I am suggesting we learn to love our worrying and our other misguided attempts to protect ourselves. I’m suggesting we see our worrying for what it is, our Stone Age brain’s best attempt to keep us alive. Love this attempt completely, and then let it go. I’m suggesting this can be and needs to be easy.

When we learn to love ourselves this well, we are able to love others this well. We can see our parents, our partners, our children, our coworkers, our bosses as flawed human beings. Instead of being judgmental and angry, we can feel compassion. Compassion clears our brains.

When our brains are clear, meaning and purpose can rise to the surface like a phosphorescent trail we can follow in the sea. When we're not distracted by our own human foibles, when we can see our flaws clearly and compassionately, we can take effective action to move toward who we are meant to be, and what we are meant to do in the world.

This way of living may seem difficult, almost impossible when we begin. But living this way gets easier the more we do it. Our brain can assign more cells to compassion, humor, and forgiveness than it does to criticism, judgmental as am, perfectionism, and despair.

Loving our imperfections is easier, in fact than any other way to live. How about that?

I want to never forget this simple truth.

Many blessings to you, many, many blessings to you,

Vicki


P.S. I’m still offering my free fifteen minute Play with Possibility Date, which includes a customized Musical Motivator. Contact my business manager, Sandy Parker at sandy@myefficientassistant.com to set up an appointment.

Owning Your Own Authority

One of the best compliments I have ever received came from a 13-year-old boy. He told me I had taught him he was the author of his life. “Well, how about that?” I thought. “If somehow I helped him know that his story begins and ends with him, then I am doing something right.”

It is easy to talk about owning our own authority, being the author of our own life, taking full responsibility for who we are in the life we’ve created. It is much more difficult in practice. It is messy, confusing, and sometimes very scary.

Recently I had a chance to practice owning my own authority with some dear, dear friends of mine. I love them and they love me. That is a given. But I had a decision to make, a decision I feared would lose their love and respect. And I wasn’t even sure I was right.

Here is what our conversation sounded like:
“Even though I may be making a big mistake, even though I may have wasted a lot of money, even though I was sure when I signed up for this, even though you may think I’m being a coward, even though you may think I’m avoiding doing the emotional work I need to do -- even if all this is true, I still need to say no. I am spinning in a vortex I can’t get out of. I can’t hear myself anymore, and if I can’t hear myself I have nothing.”

Fortunately for me, these are compassionate people, full of integrity. Their response was, “How can we support you?”

“Love me no matter what I decide,” I told them.

“That is a given” they said. I cried.

I was risking my friendship with these two beloved friends and I wasn’t sure I was right about anything. The only thing I knew for sure was that the cacophony and distress in my body was so loud and so distracting, I couldn’t hear the deep wisdom inside me, the voice inside me I have learned to trust completely.

I trust this voice, which I call the Muse, implicitly. When it tells me to sing a song to a group that I’ve never sung aloud to myself, I sing it. When it tells me to sing to a classroom full of third graders about my mother’s death, I sing it. When I put my hands on someone doing Reiki healing, and I get a vision, if they have given me permission, I share my vision, even when it makes no sense to me.

“Do rope swings mean anything to you?” I once asked someone I was giving a shoulder rub to on a rafting trip.

“Are you kidding? When I move into a new home, the first thing I do is put in a rope swing,” she said amazed. We were both amazed. Where does this stuff come from? I don’t know; I have just learned to trust.

This inner voice of wisdom is my authority. If I can’t hear this voice I am lost. When I have done everything I know to do, exercise, meditation, singing, when I have done everything I know to do to bring myself back into alignment, and I am still spinning and crazy, then I know I need to take some kind of courageous action.

I will probably have to risk disappointing people. I will have to risk being misunderstood. I will have to risk being wrong. And I do this because there is nothing else for me to do. Clearing the decks, as it were, so I can hear myself again is the most important thing I can do. This looks like whatever it looks like.

I’m thinking of the comedian Dave Chapelle right now. He was at the peak of his career, and he wasn’t having fun anymore. He left everything and went to Africa to find himself. Many people criticized him. Many people depended on him for employment, and yet he left the craziness of television to go find some place where he could hear himself again.

I saw him on "Inside the Actors Studio" telling his story, and I felt such compassion for him. It was difficult for me to own my own authority on a phone call with two beloved friends. He had to do it in public, in an atmosphere where people love misunderstanding because conflict sells papers.

But I digress. Maybe.

Making the decision to own your own authority is perhaps the most important decision you will ever make. You’re saying to the world, “I am the one who decides for me. I am the one who takes responsibility. I am doing the best I can, and my best has to be enough. I will change my mind if I need to do that later on. But for now, this is who I am, this is how I feel, and this is what I’m going to do.”

Gandhi had hundreds of thousands of people gathered to go on the march, and he changed his mind. “I don’t know the big T Truth,” he explained to his devoted followers, “I only know the small T truth and that small T truth changes as I change."

Outrageous Visions: See Who You Are Meant to Be can help you clarify the connection between your life and this deeper wisdom, the true authority that lives inside you. At this moment, I am still offering a free 15 minute Play Date with Possibility. If you’re interested in setting up an appointment, contact Sandy Parker at sandy@myefficientassistant.com.

May you speak your truth and own your own authority today and forever,

Vicki

True boost: Natural Stress Reducer

Yesterday I wrote about selling, saying that selling is not selling out. If you have something you believe in, something you think will help people be healthier and also make the world a better place, you, I, have a moral obligation to let people know about it.

I am a member of an affiliate networking company called Life Force. Their main product is Body Balance. It is a sea vegetable aloe drink that may be the purest food on the planet. All I know for sure is that since I’ve been drinking body balance, I’ve been much, much healthier. I fly a lot and jet lag is no problem for me anymore. I start to get a cold now, but it never gets a chance to take hold and take me down anymore.

I just started using a new product called True Boost. It is all natural and helps with stress reduction and sleeping. The Life Force company has even created a stress test to help you decide whether you need to drink one or two of these small bottles per day. Here’s the link for True Boost Energy Drink to Relieve Stress
www.rateyourstress.com

This month they are having a special on True Boost. If you decide you want to give it a try, you can order this month and get extra bottles for free. You have 45 days to try True Boost, and if you don’t like it, you get your money back with no hassle.

I love this company. Take health and friendship and love and combine them with a way of making money to support yourself and your family -- and you have Life Force.

My mentor in Life Force is Francie O’Shea. If you decide you want to look into ordering True Boost, here is how you can do it:

Life Force Information

From Francie:

Here is the Life Force Customer Service number: 1-800-531-4877.

Give them Vicki Hannah Lein's number: 20648860.

-They will ask you about becoming a member or just a customer. If you want to help others, choose member, just for yourself, choose customer. The price is the same.

-You have to be a member to receive the affiliate payment. Doesn't cost ANYTHING to join as a member. They will ask for your SS number to send an earnings statement for taxes.

-Also they will ask you if you want to have an autoship. That means they will ship it next month, unless you tell them otherwise.

-With autoship you get a wholesale price around 10-15% less depending on what you order. Usually this makes the shipping free.

-They are very helpful and easy to deal with.

Confession: I am feeling uneasy right now. I am feeling pushy and nervous that my sharing about True Boost and Life Force will make you not like me. I can feel this uneasiness fluttering in my chest as I dictate this post.

But I’m sharing this with you anyway. I’m posting this for all the world to see anyway. I’m breaking through my own fears, my old body stories, because I believe your health and well-being, financial, emotional, and physical, are worth my taking this risk.

If you have felt any resonance at all with what I have written here, please give True Boost a chance. I hope you get hooked. I hope you then say, “Tell me more about that Body Balance.”

May the Joy be with you,

Vicki

Selling is Not Selling Out

Gilligan’s Island ruined a generation. What did we learn from Gilligan’s Island? We learned that rich people are superficial, cowardly, and self absorbed. Having a lot of money was bad. Money corrupts.

What did we learn from the tobacco industry? We learned that selling is evil. We learned that people, corporations, will do anything to sell their product. Even if it kills us. If this isn’t evil, it’s pretty close.

Many of us got confused about selling. We thought that selling was something we did to people. But if you are connected to your mission, your movement, as my coach Suzanne Evans says, then selling isn’t something you do to someone; it is something you do for someone.

If you believe in what you’re doing, if you believe you have something to offer that is good for people, good for the world, then it is your moral obligation to let people know about it. This is selling.

I am a recovering selling-phobic. I am in the process of unlearning many things. Money is'nt bad; money is a magnifier. If the greedy, corrupt, narcissistic sociopaths have money, then they will do bad things. But if people with heart, empathy, compassion, and the vision for a better future for the world have money, then money magnifies their mission as well.

So those of us who were ruined by Gilligan’s Island and cigarette commercials need to get over it. It’s time, it’s way past time, for people of integrity and courage to step up and get abundant. And we need to take over the world! And the time to do that is now.

So here is my call to action for you: get over yourself, get over your fear of bothering people, get over your fear that money is inherently bad and step up. Lean in. Let go of all of your excuses. Get support, make a plan, and stick with it.

And here is an example of me stepping up and leaning in: do you need a coach? Do you need someone who can listen in to the deeper meaning that’s living inside of you and help draw you out? And have fun while you’re doing it? I’m offering free 15 minute consultations while I still have time to do that. I’m calling them play dates. If you want to play with me, contact my business manager Sandy Parker, at sandy@myefficientassistant.com to set up an appointment.

And remember: selling is not selling out.

Blessings,

Vicki

Are You Ten Pennies Away from Freedom and Abundance?

David Neagle, one of my mentors, tells a story about the most successful network marketer he knows. I don’t remember her name, this is how my brain works, but I do remember the essence of the story. This is also how my brain works.

She makes several million dollars a year. She has one simple plan: in the morning she takes 10 pennies and puts them in one pocket. Each time she asks for a sale, she moves a penny from one pocket to the other. She doesn’t stop until she has moved all 10 pennies from one pocket to the other.

You don’t have to be interested in network marketing to use this idea successfully. Anything you are trying to do that you are having trouble doing can be shifted by using this 10 pennies a day system. Want to exercise more? Put 10 pennies in your pocket and every time you move or dance or jiggle, even if it’s for only one minute, you get to move one penny. If you do five minutes per penny -- I’ll bet you can do that math in your head and figure out that’s 50 minutes of exercise a day. Fifty minutes of exercise a day without doing anything elaborate.

You don’t have to go to a gym, you don’t have to ride that exercise bicycle in your garage that you bought two years ago that you’ve never used, you don’t have to do hot yoga. You just use your 10 pennies to infuse your day with movement. And you'd better have fun doing it. Fun is not a four letter word.


Or what if you are working on being more grateful? Same thing. Every time you speak your gratitude or an appreciation, you get to move a penny. You could transform your family or your workplace being grateful 10 times a day. Speaking your gratitude is the single most important thing you can do any day to improve your mood, and improve your health, improve your effectiveness, and make the world a better place. You are only 10 pennies a day away from saving the world.

Now here is what is really beautiful about this system: all of your excuses get exposed and you get a chance to let them die. Does the system seem too hard? Too bad. Do it anyway. Does asking for help 10 times a day seem impossible? Too bad. Do it anyway. Do you feel guilty not helping someone in need? Too bad. Let them help themselves.

Ten pennies a day is going to bring up all your guck. Yahoo!

Here’s my penny for the day: want to work with me as a coach? I’m still offering a free 15 minute consult. Just contact my business manager, Sandy, at sandy@myefficientassistant.com, and she’ll help you set up an appointment.

That’s one penny for me! Now it’s your turn.

Blessings,

Vicki

There is No Switzerland: Everything We Do Matters

Excerpted from Woman with a Voice: Daring to Live Authentically Ever After

by Vicki Hannah Lein, MS Counseling © 2005

When we listen to a racist, sexist, or anti-Semitic joke we are colluding with hate. It is not easy to be the one who says “No.” We risk losing friends, approval, even family members. But what are we saying about ourselves and what are we teaching our children when we allow beloved Uncle Joe to tell yet another racist joke this year at Thanksgiving? Fighting injustice may be very expensive, but allowing injustice to flourish is toxic for our souls.

I don’t say this lightly. Stopping my dad from telling me a racist joke was one of the bravest things I have ever done. The irony is that my dad had taught me the evils of racism when I was a child, but on this day, when I was in my early thirties, he decided in a phone conversation that he could tell me such a joke.

As I realized what kind of a joke we were headed toward, I was terrified, my heartbeat was drowning my hearing, but Dad had crossed the line. Maybe I couldn’t always stand up for myself, but I could stand up for my children. I would not bring them up in a racist environment. There was not a cell in my body that could hear a nigger joke and remain silent. (I can barely type the letters to make that word.)

When I saw where the joke was heading, I interrupted Dad and said, “Dad, I don’t like those kinds of jokes.” I was as brave as I had ever been, facing a scary enemy, a man who I had seen physically attack my mother and verbally assault anyone who got in his way.

“My, aren’t we high and mighty,” he said. High and mighty -- for not wanting to hear a racist joke? He was trying to shame me into submission, but I repeated, “I don’t like those kinds of jokes.”

He hung up, and that was the end of my relationship with my father. Oh, we have seen each other since, had a short lunch even, where I gave him pictures of my children and copies of songs I had written. But this was the end of his calling me or coming to visit, the end of the thin semblance of a relationship we had.

My father does not know my full name, nor would he recognize his grandchildren if he met them on the street. I have not spoken to him for more than ten years, not since I lost my vision, got divorced, remarried, and became an international speaker. Simply saying “no” to my father severed our relationship.

Was it worth it? Would I do it again? You betcha! The entry fee for a relationship with my father is too high. I will not sacrifice my deeply held beliefs in the hope my father might love me. I will not allow anyone in my life to abuse me or abuse those I love. I take a stand for justice, and I will not change that because I want someone to love and approve of me. This was a huge act of courage for me, the first of many steps that have led me to the life I now lead. I do not know how people can be truly happy, truly authentic, if they sacrifice their honor in order to be loved.

Epilogue

At Oregon State University in the summer of 2006 I was asked to present to a faculty class on the subject of "Finding Magic in Adversity." (I am legally blind.) While there I passed around my book from which this excerpt is taken. When I wrote the book, I put a “spell” on it, -- the “spell” is that I wanted it to be a book someone could turn to and find just what she needed.

When I paused for questions a woman at the far end of the table, way too far away for me to be able to see her, said, “Vicki, I was looking through your book and it fell open to the story about your dad trying to tell you a racist joke. I read the whole story. I am African-American and when I teach my class on discrimination, my students must deal with this issue when they return home for holidays and are faced with their relatives’ habits and attitudes. Thank you for writing this.”

I got chills. What were the chances that the one story I wrote about stopping a racist joke would be the story she would turn to and read? I guess my spell works.

Blessings,

Vicki

Judging versus Discerning

A friend of mine confessed to me yesterday that he wasn’t being as successful in his business as he would like to be. “People are not responding well to my attempts to get them excited about my product,” he told me. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

“If you have any judgment about the people you’re talking to,” I told him, “they will not want to listen to you. Even if you think you’re disguising your judgment very well, people know. If you think people are wrong or bad or deluded if they don’t buy your product, they won’t want to have anything to do with you.”

He admitted that he knew he was full of judgments. He admitted that these judgments were interfering not only with his business but with his relationship with his wife and children as well.

Judgment kills joy, creativity, and vitality. In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz talks about judgment as a poison. When we judge ourselves, when we judge others, we fill our world with life-denying self talk and gossip. This is why the first agreement is "Be Impeccable With Your Word." Being impeccable means we do not spew toxins on ourselves or anyone else.

But how do we rid ourselves of judgment? Slowly but surely. Once we know that judgment is not serving us or anyone else, once we learn to not trust judging, then we are on the beginning of a marvelous journey.

Sometimes people are afraid if they stop judging they will be open to anything that wants to come at them. They won’t be able to set any kind of boundary with anyone. But there is a huge difference between judgment and discernment.

For example, I discerned that this friend of mine was judging people. I’ve seen him do it. I don’t feel judgmental about his judgment. If I did feel judgmental, I would be of no use to him. If I felt judgmental, it would be all about me. I would be judging him because of some flaw in him I saw in me.

“Judge not lest you be judged,” means if we judge others we are really judging ourselves. It is an insidious poison that ruins our ability to love ourselves and others. Judging is also bad for business.

My brave friend now knows he wants to rid himself of judgment. That is a great first step. Now he needs to be listening for his own judgment of others. He needs to begin a daily regimen clearing his body and his mind of any judgments of himself and others. He could use EFT or tapping to help him with this. I could even make him a special, customized EFT audio to help him tap away his own judgments.

Here’s an especially tricky part: we don’t get to judge ourselves about being judgmental either. We don’t get to judge other people about being judgmental. We need to wrap all this judgment in a warm, fuzzy blanket, and cradle it to our chests. We need to love our judging, sing to it, and rock it to sleep. Our judging is just our way of trying to protect ourselves. That’s all.

If you would like a customized audio to help you get rid of judging yourself and others, let me know. Just e-mail me at Vicki@outrageousvisions.com. We can play with this together. Once again, this is where the rubber chicken meets the road.

Blessings,

Vicki

You Can Ruin Anything

If people can use, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” as an excuse to burn people at the stake, people can ruin anything. “Love thy neighbor as thyself” seems fairly unambiguous to me. It does not come with an asterisk. This command from Jesus does not say, "Love people who are easy to love, people just like you, but go ahead and hate people who are different. Go ahead and blow them up, cover them with stones and let them be crushed to death.”

So if we can ruin something so simple and so clear, we flawed human beings can ruin anything.

For example, one would think people who do yoga regularly, would be living in the flow. Yet I have known yoga teachers who were anxiety ridden, perfectionistic, full of self-hate, and yoga bullies. Doing yoga regularly does not inoculate us against life.

Let me be clear: I love doing yoga. Yoga loves me. I even wrote a song about yoga: “Yoga makes me feel alive. Yoga improves my muscle tone. When I’m breathing doing yoga, I am in my body and completely at home.”

I have recently discovered EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. Jack Canfield calls it psychological acupuncture. I’ve been a therapist for over 20 years, and EFT is one of the best techniques I have ever used. Brad Yates, whose EFT videos I watch regularly, says that EFT is like taking an emotional shower every morning. We brush our teeth, we wash our hair, but we don’t regularly clear out our emotions. EFT is great for keeping our emotions soft and flowing. I’ve been comparing EFT to rust-removing spray. Using EFT regularly keeps our emotions soft and easy to wash off. Otherwise, we get rusty and it is more difficult to get to our shiny greatness underneath. (Okay, I was a literature major. I love metaphors.)

But just as with anything else, we can ruin the EFT. If people are afraid to feel their emotions, they can use EFT as an escape from the messiness of grieving and loss. Instead of using EFT as a tool we can use to help ourselves free ourselves from emotional patterns that keep us trapped, people can ruin the EFT by seeing it as a way to avoid dealing with the ephemeral nature of our lives, the fragility of our lives, and the big truth we want to avoid: we are all going to die.

And lastly, people can even ruin the Law of Attraction. Just as religion is corrupted into a form of control, using fear to manipulate people to vote for who they want, the Law of Attraction can be corrupted into a way of controlling our future and everyone around us. Nothing is impossible according to the Law of Attraction. But have you seen anyone regenerating any arms lately? Have you seen anyone flying around the world without a plane? Of course not.

The Law of Attraction can be misused as a way to try to be perfect, to try to avoid the messy work of grieving and loss, a way to control everything. Just as when we use religion to bargain our way to safety, getting mad at God when we lose the game, or when we get cancer, we are disappointed when we cannot manipulate the world with the Law of Attraction.

Let me be clear: I believe the Law of Attraction works. I just believe that surrendering is better than trying to control everything. I believe that Divine Right Action is at work. I believe that my having a rare genetic disease, a disease which they can trace back to the family in Ireland that first mutated the gene, a disease for which the genetic marker was discovered from research on my family -- I don’t believe my getting this disease was any kind of mistake.

I don’t believe I am being punished because I do not want to see the truth in my life. I believe glib formulas of “Oh, you broke your foot, then I know that means you are afraid to step out into the world,” are ways for the speaker to feel he or she has a control that does not exist for human beings. It might be true that you broke your foot because you are afraid to step out into the world. But let’s have a little more humility and a little less arrogance around this phenomenon, shall we?

Joseph Campbell said that life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived. I much prefer the surprise and delight and struggle of learning to live the mystery of my life. I much prefer to believe that when the challenge comes my way it is a gift ready for me to unwrap and discover. It is not a punishment.

I am not saying that people who talk about the Law of Attraction are corrupt. I am not saying that the Law of Attraction is corrupt. I am saying we can ruin anything. Our need to be perfect, which is really our need to be safe and loved, corrupts everything it touches.

Wow! What now? So if we could ruin anything, what are we to do now? That’s easy: laugh at ourselves. We are very funny, we human beings. Aren’t we just hilarious in the way we try to control everything and then give it a spiritual face? We are hysterically funny! Let’s forgive ourselves immediately. Let’s forgive each other immediately. Let’s not take ourselves so seriously.

I, for example, am committed to finding where the rubber chicken meets the road.

Blessings,

Vicki